At least once, we will start thinking about the way we die. Then the question entails, ‘what is the worst way to die?’ Is it being stabbed by someone then decapitate you alive? Or is it slicing your throat as you suffocate in your own blood? Drowning in the sea, desperately gasping for air while the sea creatures feast on your soulless body? Or going unconscious slowly, and then die a slow painless death from inhaling too much harmful gases? There are so many ways to die, and it is so easy to watch your life slowly fade in front of your eyes.
When we are at the brink of death, what would be flashing right in front of our eyes? Would it be our parents? Soulmate? Best friend? Or someone else whom we've never take notice of? I guess nobody really knows, because we can only experience death once in our life.
Ironically, I’ve experienced it five times. I have died, many times. Again and again, I was told to come back and do good things on Joryitas.
‘What did you do this time, Aun?’ The gatekeeper of the heaven asked in a helpless tone. I was nonchalant about everything. This would be my third time here.
‘I didn’t do anything, Tury. Open the gate.’ I was starting to get impatient, Tury always have endless questions to ask about how I died.
‘How did it happen this time?’ Tury did not give up.
‘I was hit by a Traike, okay? Now open the gate, I need to see Father.’ I pleaded, then approached him and tugged at his sleeves.
‘Okay, fine. Tell me the details when you come back.’ Tury knew I wouldn’t, so he meant when I come back the next time I die. Because I was to be reborn into another family. And this was why I needed to see Father to talk about it.
The gates of heaven opened up, and the whiteness did not put me into a state of awe anymore, unlike the first time. I remembered that everything was so bright that I could hardly open my eyes.
My insides twisted, running in a whirl of turmoil. I had failed Father again, I had failed Joryitas. How was I to explain myself, when I know that Father had already know everything, watching from above?
‘Aun, you’re back.’ I couldn’t see him, as always.
‘Father, I’m sorry.’ I couldn’t lift up my head, I was embarrassed at myself.
‘Aun,’ The voice was so loud as if it was speaking into my head, ‘you’re not even trying.’
‘Father, I tried. I tried everything. You were watching, how could you not know?’ I felt that I was wronged for the things I did not sign up for.
‘You are not trying hard enough.’ He sighed.
‘Send me back then.’ There, I said it, even though I really hated the idea of it.
‘Where? Joryitas? And then let you die again?’ Father laughed. How could he? After all that I’ve done, all that I’ve experienced, all that I’ve been through, all that I’ve lost.
‘You hate me.’ He sensed my hatred. He read my mind. I kept quiet, saying ‘no’ is like telling an obvious lie, it is no use lying to Him.
‘Tell me what I can do, Father.’ I finally said.
‘I will send you back to Joryitas. Do everything in your power to help the community there.’ He commanded.
‘Will you send someone to assist me? What about Angel Equinn?’ I don’t want to be alone in Joryitas with no one to complain to.
‘Angel Equinn was sent somewhere else to fulfil his duty, this time you will be alone. You have enough experience in this.’
‘Father, please, send someone with me. Anyone would do. Please.’ The idea of being alone frightened me. Every time when I die, Angel Equinn would be there to make things better. Who would be there with me this time when I die?
‘Raaafaajahatuuukahhhh!!’ He started.
‘Father…’ I began fading into nothingness.
‘Jaaaehhkiii Tuyariiikahhhbee’ were the last words I hear before opening my eyes to my new family.
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