Chapter 3 - To Poonduk

I don’t know how to feel about this.

     

          “Aun is acting like his papa’s boy again.” One of them shouted, I did not turn my head to know that the voice belongs to Fat Rong. I was being mocked again, for being the good kid. I was only trying to return the football to one of the girls in my class. Perhaps they’re just jealous. 

          “Aun likes Yaree!” Fat Rong continued. I almost wanted to shove a feesh down his throat. I glared at him.

           Perhaps Yaree heard Fat Rong, she gazed towards our direction, and I quickly looked away, towards the direction of the mountains. 

          I couldn’t possibly like Yaree Swazarkyi, mama told me that I’m not that age yet. I don’t know what she meant, but I know I shouldn’t be looking at girls my age, that is against the teachings of God of Skai, I can be punished for this. 

          “Stop playing such a joke! It’s not funny!” I crossed my arms in front of him, hoping this time he really got the message that I am angry. 

          “Why are you trying to deny the truth? Everyone can see that you like Yaree.” Fat Rong mocked, and quickly dashed away before I got the chance to hit his head with a slipper. 

          I grabbed my bag and started packing my school things. Everything was handmade by my father. My pencil case, water tumbler, jacket, books, and shoes. I wished I could be as lucky as other kids in my school, oh how they owned many branded things that could cost an arm and a leg, and all I do was gawk at their possessions and wished I was born in their family. 

          Nobody take our family seriously because we are poor. Your status is obvious from the way you dress, the way you speak, and the way you carry yourself. My mother is a hardworking labourer who works in the Pompoyaka plant, she upholds her religion more than anything else. She reminded me constantly that earthly possessions rich Joryitasians own are nonpermanent, and that we earned more points by being poor, so when we die and go to heaven to meet the God of Skai, we will outrun all the rich Joryitasians who are trying to meet Him too. I’d believe her, but when I asked her “where is the God of Skai?” she couldn’t really answer me. She looked at father and he placed his right palm on my chest firmly and said, “The God of Skai stays here, you’re occupying it now, we can only see Him when we die, when there’s nothing left in this shell.”

           I’m living in a shell. Everything I see and own now is nonpermanent. 

          “If the poor Joryitasians can meet the God of Skai after they die, where does the rich Joryitasians go then?” My question did not come much of a surprise, perhaps mother and father had anticipated it.

          “Well,” mother started, then she gave father that glance again, “they will go to a place of eternal darkness, no one can ever find them there, they will be lost forever.” Father said. 

          “What’s that place called?”

          “It’s called The Unreachable.”

          I thought of Yaree Swazarkyi. She will go to The Unreachable because her family is very rich. Her mother, Terra Swazarkyi is the president of Pompoyaka II City, her future was determined the day she was born, she will be inheriting her mother’s place. The line of succession to the president seat of Pompoyaka II City had always been from the Swazarkyi family. They had always remained on the top, the richest among the richest. Will they all go to The Unreachable when they die, I wonder? 

          I walked the quiet street that leads to the corner to our small cottage. I looked up to the tree with the sign ‘Village Pompoyaka’ hanging from a single metal chain from one of the branches, the tree does not have any leaves left, it looked displeasing to my eye all of a sudden, like a haunted tree, a haunted village. I stormed my way and turned the corner to my cottage, a simple wooden shack. There was anger boiling inside of me, I didn’t know why. 

          “Come and help me with dinner.” Father was wiping his sweat off the sleeves of his white shirt. I turned my gaze and stared at his shirt which was slowing turning yellow with age, fully stitched with patches and patches of different shades of white, it angered me. 

          “You should get new clothes, father.” I said. Father turned and looked at me, he was nonchalant about what I said about his shirt, “come and help me.” He repeated, the weight in his voice heavier. I hurried over to his direction. 

          I squatted down beside him, rolled up my sleeves and started helping him wash the feeshes, twelve of them. The smell of the feeshes was reeking, I gagged at the foul smell. Father stopped what he was doing and looked at me. I pretended like nothing happened and continued washing the feeshes clean from its own blood, the water turned a dirty brown, the air smelled like rust. 

          “How was school today?” Father did not turn his gaze from my face. 

          “Fine. Everything’s good.” I didn’t look him in the eye, I pretended that the feeshes were a trouble to clean. Now I felt guilty for being angry, at nothing.

          “If that’s what you say.” Father finally went back to doing what he was doing earlier, “If you find it hard to share it with me, go tell it to the God of Skai.” Father took out the insides of the feeshes and threw it in the broth boiling beside us. 

          Mother warned me that anger is the work of bad spirits loitering around us. It will start off with angry feelings, then gradually turn into actions, and actions taken when we are angry will always be of wrong impulses, which must be tamed. We shouldn’t let it take control of us. At times like this, we should seek God of Skai for refuge. 

           I got up, wiped my wet hands on my school trousers, and started towards the direction that leads to Poonduk. My sweat was trickling down my cheek, it burned my eyes and tasted like feeshes after father had dried it in the sun. The path to Poonduk is a long distance from home, but we always go there once every circle of five days. Not many Joryitasians from village of Pompoyaka go to Poonduk, they think that worshipping God of Skai can be done from their own homes, and that coming to Poonduk is a waste of time and energy. Father always reminded me of the importance of going to Poonduk regardless of how tired and lazy I am feeling. It seems like Poonduk has a special power in store for us that our own cottage do not have. 

           The sun burnt my cheek, arms and legs. I started picking up my speed as Poonduk will just be two corners away. I ran past rows and rows of berry trees that stood by the muddy road, occasionally stopping to catch my breath and to regain my composure. The berries that dropped from the trees were too deliciously mouth-watering to ignore. I was quarter of a day late to Poonduk. 

          Poonduk is a small shelter built singlehandedly by the followers of God of Skai with what’s left of their savings. The followers of God of Skai were usually poor Joryitasians, because they strongly believe that there’s better life that awaits them after death. Mother and Father had always used them as a model as to how we should live our life. Sometimes I’d like to think that they are just using God of Skai as a way to escape the reality that we are poor. It’s a simple way out to explain why we are poor, and always will be poor. 

          Then the questions follow, what if God of Skai never truly existed? What if God of Skai was only an imagination created by people to escape reality, which happened to spread throughout Joryitas and became something famous that many Joryitasians know today? If it was real, everyone in Joryitas would have been the follower of God of Skai now.

          As I struggled with my own thoughts, I kicked off my slippers and entered Poonduk. A shadow kneeling on the ground in Poonduk caught me by surprise. She was none other than Yaree Swazarkyi. 

Chapter 2 - Aun

On both sides of the muddy road stood less than ten wooden houses, basic dwelling nailed up by the hands of the locals, effortless and noncomplex. The loud chatter coming from the houses were clearly audible, each word crisp and enunciation clear. There was Maloom complaining about the recent flood that flushed the dirty muds and rubbish into her home, Yukatas bragging about how he had bought ten feeshes for only a hundred darhia, and Poi and Joih dancing for the upcoming rain festival. A rusty sign hung high on a tree, it read “Village Pompoyaka”. 

           It has been raining continuously for three days, at times drizzling and at times accompanied with booming thunder and flashing lights. Maloom swore timidly that the rain came as a punishment from the God of Skai, she declared to the whole village that He is mad. Poi and Joih started reminding her that it’s the time of the year, in which they will celebrate the major rain festival soon. Upon hearing ‘rain festival’, Maloom waved her hands and laughed apologetically, blaming her old age for the deteriorating memory power. 

            Yukatas glared moodily into the grey skai, he murmured about something then dropped his head and entered into the kitchen, he needed to start making feeshwich for Jennevah before she wakes up. He sliced two feeshes into halves, and rinsed them under the running tap, but the water that dribbled from the tap was brownish and muddy. Yukatas cursed under his breath and blamed it on the God of Skai. He scooped a cup of clean water that he’d saved the other day and rinsed away the mud and dirt which stained the feeshes. Making sure the feeshes were clean, Yukatas then started the fire to grill the feeshes to make feeshwich, he warmed his hands and cursed the God of Skai once more. 

            ‘Yukatas, my love.’ Jennevah had woken up and started towards Yukatas, who was squatting beside the fire he’d finally managed to start. 

             Jennevah was wearing her blue stripped sleeping robe, wrapped loosely around her plump body, a bump was visible at the abdomen area where she placed her right hand naturally. Yukatas stood up and hurried to Jennevah’s side, he glanced lovingly into Jennevah’s eyes and helped her take a seat. ‘Four months into pregnancy, the baybee comes next week,’ he counted silently in his head. 

              ‘What are you making?’ Jennevah asked interestingly, she sniffed around trying to catch a hint of her breakfast.

              ‘I bought ten feeshes for only a hundred darhia! So, I’m making you feeshwich.’ Yukatas said it with pride glistering in his eyes. 

              ‘My great husband,’ Jennevah smiled, her hands brushing his cheeks, ’You have defeated all husbands in Joryitas.’ She gave him a peck on his cheeks. 

               Yukatas bent his body so that his head is parallel to Jennevah’s abdomen, set his right hand softly on Jennevah’s visible bump before placing his ears on her abdomen to listen to any signs of life within. He spoke excitedly to the unborn foetus inside of Jennevah’s body, ‘Baybee, baybee, call me daddy.’ Jennevah laughed and slapped at his arms playfully, ‘what should we name the baybee?’ 

                The question had taken Yukatas aback. He had never thought of having the honour to name his child. None of the husbands in Village Pompoyaka had ever had the opportunity to name their newborn child, it was always the mother who holds the utmost power and authority in deciding a suitable name for the child that they bore for four months. Yukatas put on his thinking cap and searched through all the possible vocabularies in his mind quickly before Jennevah changes her mind, he didn’t know this could happen, he should’ve thought of a name before. But, the fact that husbands do not earn the right to name their child had appeared to him as a waste of brain power if he really did sit down to think of a name. Now he regretted for not thinking of one. ‘Ummmm…’ Was the only thing that escaped from his mouth. 

             ‘Aun? That's such a good name!’ Jennevah heard him wrongly, and worst of all, misinterpreted his words in a wrong sort of way. 

            ‘No, Jennevah, I was thinki..’ 

            ‘Aun represents the “skai" and it also carries the meaning of “eternity”. That’s like saying our child can be the greatest of the greatest, and can never die!’ Jennevah held Yukatas with such force that Yukatas regretfully swallowed his initial suggestion of the name ‘Yurjuki’ which carries the meaning of ‘windows of opportunities’, he strongly believes that giving his child the name ‘Yurjuki’ may somehow improve the poor condition of the family. 

            ‘Yes, love. Aun is a good name.’ Yukatas forced a smile. He convinced himself that ‘Aun’ can be a good name, though seldom heard of in Joryitas. There are many Yukatas, Jennevah, Raajar, Yuna, but Aun is a name which not many are called. 

            Yukatas placed his palm on Jennevah’s baybee bump once more, smiled and said, ‘Aun, you will be a great one, notorious in Joryitas through eternity.’ 

            Aun came at midnight on the day of the rain festival, when the rain was pouring with full force. Jennevah gripped the iron bars tightly, drops of sweat trickling down her forehead, she bit her lower lip, shut her eyes tightly and prepared for the next contraction. Yukatas was busy comforting her, the heavy rain made it impossible for anyone to step in for assistance. Every drop and every thunder had wiped away Jennevah’s screams entirely, no one in Village Pompoyaka can hear her. 

            Aun was born at dawn, and the rain had just stopped. The day began with the villagers of Pompoyaka gathering their tools for work. The husbands watched on as the wives left home to work at farms and fields. When the shadows of the wives started vanishing out of sight, they left the window and entered into their domain, feeding the children, cleaning the mud off the veranda, and preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner. It was just another long day for The Pompoyakians. 

          Yukatas sat down on the rattan chair holding Aun in his arms, the baybee cooed, then he started crying. 

My best attempt yet

I guess the title is very much self explanatory?

Chapter 1 - Gates of heaven

At least once, we will start thinking about the way we die. Then the question entails, ‘what is the worst way to die?’ Is it being stabbed by someone then decapitate you alive? Or is it slicing your throat as you suffocate in your own blood? Drowning in the sea, desperately gasping for air while the sea creatures feast on your soulless body? Or going unconscious slowly, and then die a slow painless death from inhaling too much harmful gases? There are so many ways to die, and it is so easy to watch your life slowly fade in front of your eyes. 

        When we are at the brink of death, what would be flashing right in front of our eyes? Would it be our parents? Soulmate? Best friend? Or someone else whom we've never take notice of? I guess nobody really knows, because we can only experience death once in our life. 

        Ironically, I’ve experienced it five times. I have died, many times. Again and again, I was told to come back and do good things on Joryitas. 

         ‘What did you do this time, Aun?’ The gatekeeper of the heaven asked in a helpless tone. I was nonchalant about everything. This would be my third time here. 

         ‘I didn’t do anything, Tury. Open the gate.’ I was starting to get impatient, Tury always have endless questions to ask about how I died. 

         ‘How did it happen this time?’ Tury did not give up.

         ‘I was hit by a Traike, okay? Now open the gate, I need to see Father.’ I pleaded, then approached him and tugged at his sleeves. 

         ‘Okay, fine. Tell me the details when you come back.’ Tury knew I wouldn’t, so he meant when I come back the next time I die. Because I was to be reborn into another family. And this was why I needed to see Father to talk about it. 

       The gates of heaven opened up, and the whiteness did not put me into a state of awe anymore, unlike the first time. I remembered that everything was so bright that I could hardly open my eyes. 

       My insides twisted, running in a whirl of turmoil. I had failed Father again, I had failed Joryitas. How was I to explain myself, when I know that Father had already know everything, watching from above?

      ‘Aun, you’re back.’ I couldn’t see him, as always. 

      ‘Father, I’m sorry.’ I couldn’t lift up my head, I was embarrassed at myself. 

      ‘Aun,’ The voice was so loud as if it was speaking into my head, ‘you’re not even trying.’ 

      ‘Father, I tried. I tried everything. You were watching, how could you not know?’ I felt that I was wronged for the things I did not sign up for.

      ‘You are not trying hard enough.’ He sighed. 

      ‘Send me back then.’ There, I said it, even though I really hated the idea of it. 

      ‘Where? Joryitas? And then let you die again?’ Father laughed. How could he? After all that I’ve done, all that I’ve experienced, all that I’ve been through, all that I’ve lost. 

      ‘You hate me.’ He sensed my hatred. He read my mind. I kept quiet, saying ‘no’ is like telling an obvious lie, it is no use lying to Him. 

      ‘Tell me what I can do, Father.’ I finally said. 

      ‘I will send you back to Joryitas. Do everything in your power to help the community there.’ He commanded. 

      ‘Will you send someone to assist me? What about Angel Equinn?’ I don’t want to be alone in Joryitas with no one to complain to. 

      ‘Angel Equinn was sent somewhere else to fulfil his duty, this time you will be alone. You have enough experience in this.’ 

      ‘Father, please, send someone with me. Anyone would do. Please.’ The idea of being alone frightened me. Every time when I die, Angel Equinn would be there to make things better. Who would be there with me this time when I die?  

      ‘Raaafaajahatuuukahhhh!!’ He started.

      ‘Father…’ I began fading into nothingness. 

      ‘Jaaaehhkiii Tuyariiikahhhbee’ were the last words I hear before opening my eyes to my new family. 

My Slipper

It was a drizzling morning,
Every house sound asleep,
Of buzzing mosquitoes and stinging insects,
We decided to go,
Breakfast on the street of the deceased.
　
It was a drizzling morning,
On the quiet street of Teluk Intan,
Cars were sparse,
Roads were clear,
Breakfast on the street of the deceased.
　
Shielding my head from the raindrops,
I hastily embarked from the dark blue car,
It was quiet when it happened,
Not a hint or a sign,
My slipper decided to break up with me.
　
My slipper decided to break up with me,
I wasn't prepared, I wasn't ready,
I needed time to think it through,
I fished out my purse immediately,
And fished out the rubber bands too.
　
To secure our ties,
I needed two,
I felt secure instantly,
Walking under my insecurities,
Two was enough, and two it is.
　
One step, two steps, three steps, four,
My foot started to ache,
Steps harder to take,
Five steps, six steps, seven steps, eight,
Grab a chair, the street of deceased.
　
As I sat, out come my foot,
The constraints of the bands,
The fragile bonds, the brittle ties,
Shown in quickly fading red lines,
The strains it caused, the forced ties.
　
As I sat, out come my foot,
A gush of blood run free,
I was enclosed in my own insecurities,
But regret that followed,
In the street of the deceased.
　
Back in the car, the drizzling morning sky,
The bands ran wild,
Untangled and free,
Like my insecurities,
My slipper broke up with me.

Bunch of peanuts visiting Kulim and Penang

You don't know the joy of having worked so hard for few months straight and then finally granted the ticket to a one-month semester break. That is called HEAVEN, if you don't already know. The feeling of finally able to throw away every single weight you're carrying on your shoulder, and go on a VACATION! Me and the squad (we call ourselves the watermelon gang) had decided to visit one another's hometown when we can during every semester break, we are made up of people coming from Selangor, Malacca, Teluk Intan, Sabah, Sarawak, and Kulim / Penang. And this time, we all agreed that it's going to be Penang. The friend guide will ultimately be our Alvin Goh and Abel Goh.

In the train from Kampar to Penang Butterworth, obviously very happy. 

 As we disembarked from the train, Abel and Alvin's brother, Terrence came to fetch us, with two cars, we went to have some really delicious supper together. Then head home, where we crashed at Alvin's. His mom even offered us mooncakes! But all in all, it's comfy and everyone called it a sleepover. Legit, sleepover. 

Don't get all jelly welly about how comfy we are. Just sneak a peak at Stella beside me, she's already fast asleep. Or maybe trying to sleep, whichever. 

We all slept after 1am that night, and Alvin gave us a heads up that we will be waking up 5am in the morning tomorrow to catch sunrise on top of Tokun Hill, Bukit Mertajam. Hiking eh? Coolz, i like. You know how you're always so determined to wake up early on the next day? I don't know where I get that, but the next day, when everyone's awake, i dreaded every moment of it. I literally dragged my body, that indescribable weight off myself and went to wash up. No, i don't bath, because why? You'll just get sweaty after all those hiking and sun-gazing shizzizle. 

We arrived 6am in the morning, everything was in pitch black, we didn't have any torchlight with us, so we used the flashlights from our phones, good that. It reminds me of my prefect camp days, i remembered the time i walked alone, where we are expected to walk alone in the night, test our bravery, it was pitch black as well, surrounded by trees, forest, silence, and insects buzzing their wiggins off.

We eventually reached the top safely, missed the sunrise, but doesn't really matter, we went way up than we were supposed to, hiking more than we should, that's some accomplishment too! Like we deserve some 'extra effort' awards or something. But the scenery, the view, and everything that appears in front of our eyes, are to be devoured and gaped with awe at, with our gadgets and phones. Snap away, watermelonians!

Here's a visual picture of what i meant. 

 You would think, or even imagine that we are on top, screaming our lungs out about the dreams we have, or just plain screaming to release all the stress built up in our body, or maybe just shout someone's name to tell them we love them (because courage, duh) BUT NO, we did something even cooler than that, we dabbed.

Good that.

 As if the way up isn't torturous enough, we still had to make our way to the bottom of the hill, where we started. And man i hated every step of the way, I think Stella had it worse, she was having a pee-is-coming emergency, and halfway down the hill, what we thought was a toilet turned out to be faulty, or not available for use, so she had to hold it in all the time until we got down the hill. I wished there was an elevator or something, like hey, we reached the destination, we achieved our target, we did what we're supposed to do, now GET US DOWN, with a helicopter, an elevator, ANYTHING BUT OUR OWN POOR FEET. But of course, wishes don't get granted. What do you think, Santa Claus? 

Some selfie-happy moment with my white colour leaf. They're all the way down the hill. At this moment, this smile is a lie, "My feet hurts, my toe hurts, my leg hurts" is all i think about. REAL. 

 We eat after that, then sleep.
Because we're not robots. We can't rush off to the next agenda on the list because we have to, then VACATION is not a vacation, it'll be a duty, a responsibility. So, we did the right thing. We slept. For hours and hours, we slept. Because who said hiking is easy? No one. Who said hiking is not tiring? No one. Even the strongest person you know, after hiking, it will definitely tire him/her out, no way they don't burn calories from all those walking and all.

Once we replenished our energy, we are up and ready to go. We visited a cafe in Kulim, Anak Kulim. Just have some cake there, slack, and have fun talking to each other like we're meeting up each other after a long time.

Fast forward to night time, Alvin suggested that we go to Auto-City. He told us that it used to be an automobile city, where they sell lots of cars and all, but now it had become, dum dum dum dum.... A lover's park. I'm kidding, but it seemed like a romantic getaway spot, i googled it up, they called it Food & Entertainment (so that's what all this is?). They have real romantic lights in the shape of hearts and love hanging around, on trees, on bikes, beside the walkway, they have really cute bird cages where they lit up bulbs in the cages and then hang several of them on trees, to create mood you know, so people can have a taste of what it's like to kiss under the mistletoe bird cages. That place is full of lights. It may be a suitable spot for young lovers, that explains why we quickly moved on to the next spot after that. They have a lot of shops and branded shops lying around waiting for customers to show themselves, but we totally skipped that, we broke.

I put this picture up because i was born in the year of the pigs. So it somewhat represents me, not that i'm pig-like, or whatever characteristics a pig displays, i just happened to be born in the year of the pigs, that's all. That's all this picture is all about. 

The bird cages i was referring to. 

What an interesting way to take a picture, with handphone still attached on selfie stick, and the mandatory leg to get a stable shot for your friend. Mmmmm, elegant. 

Moving on to the next day. We don't want to linger too long in the night, do we now? Because everybody loves to see some SPADE'S BURGER Subway sandwiches we delightfully devoured in Penang! Yayzaaa! Just located beside Spade's burger, Bukit Mertajam, how convenient. It wasn't operating hours yet, we were there early, so we hopped in to Subway! We all ordered somewhat similar sandwiches, and they really fill your tummies. It was a bit saddening when we know it's one hour away from the operating hours of Spade's burger, but we'll meet again soon, i'm sure, considering myself a frequent Penang go-er.

Here's a really pleasant looking subway sandwich that i ordered. One of the food that kept me alive, up until today, that i am able to share it with you. Irony, isn't it? 

 After filling in the gaps and spaces of our famished intestines, we all happily hopped into Alvin's mom's car and cross the Penang bridge into Penang Island. YAS. WHERE ALL THE GOOD FOOD AT. We wasn't really happy with the thought of going under the sun, getting ourselves burned into charcoal skin colours, so we parked at Queensbay Mall, one that I went before with my family and started window shopping (because broke) while waiting for the others (Ernest, Melvin, Abel [who left us in the morning to attend to some private matters]). When we all got together, we headed for the food court. This isn't some cheapsy bitsy typical food court, it looks, GOOD. And most importantly, they have GOOD CHILLI PAN MEE.

The boys queued up big time to get us these Pan Mees. Apparently many people liked eating it. Cos it's good. Do you think people would want to eat it if it isn't good? Stating the obvious. HOHO. 

After eating, Stella was really hyped up about this "ABOONG" dessert she saw on our way to the food court, so being the angelic me, i accompanied her back to the way we came and bought this delicacy. Yoghurt, Nutella, marshmallow all stuffed into this edible fish. This Instagram worthy food ain't cheap, you pay for what you post up on the social media, that's why kids, social media ain't cheap. This thing costs RM11+, didn't mattered to me anyway, because Stella the goddess told us that it's on her (Wan sui wan sui wan wan sui!)

Needed a little bit of dramatic effect before we see the expensive food.

Drum rolls pls. 
dum
dum
dum
dum
dum
dum
dum
dum dum
dum dum dum
dum dum dum dum 
dum dum dum dum dum dum dum...

Behold the almighty ABOONG....

Looks like a three tipped mountain. Safely digested by my intestinal systems, happy that. 

I wasn't kidding when i say "All these food are not eaten by me, and only me alone", like the four of us girls are always sharing food, to just get a "taste" of how they taste like, instead of eating them whole, we don't have big tummies like the guys (intended), like the Pan Mee? That small bowl of Pan Mee was shared amongst us four, that Aboong as well, and we shared SO MANY food together, we didn't even truly eat a whole meal by ourselves often (And that, ladies and gents, is how i keep sli...fit). You know, i kinda regretted not eating the Pan Mee alone, I am drooling as i typed this, legit. *muffled sobs* Gawd bring me back! 

Around some time past noon, the guys rushed us to the next destination, War Museum located on top of Batu Maung, some up the hill road, it seems. My dad, who's originated from Penang, didn't even know this place. Later the receptionist told us that this place was found not long ago, it was real fortress left by the British when they ruled our countries many years ago. It was abandoned for good 60 years or so, and then recovered to become a museum (clearly haunted). Considering mass murder, rape, torture chambers, killings happening at that very location, that very museum, it's hard not to think that the fort is very much haunted. There, i said it, HAUNTED. Receptionist did told us, that if we happened to see or hear them, maybe they're trying to communicate with us, maybe they wanted a proper burial for their physical bodies. "We don't address them as ghosts," she said, "We'll call them spirits" 

(I don't know how stupid an idea this is to off your bedroom lights, typing this at 11.50pm almost past midnight, and then my brother's apparition showed up on my door scared the crap outta me). 

Thingie they used to shoot down helicopters, yeap, because it's the normal thing to do, shoot helicopters / airstrikes. Yep, totally normal and acceptable. 

As if knowing that there are presence of spirits all around the fort isn't enough, we had to go through pitch black tunnels. Like seriously PITCH BLACK, like when you shut your eyes in the dark? And you see nothing? Maybe a few images flying around from you imagining too much? IT'S BLACK DARKNESS BLACK DARKNESS BLACK DARKNESS BLACK! Like you can't see your own fingers DARK. I guess i emphasised clear enough. I tried to see my own fingers, to no avail, it was too dark. We hold onto each other's shoulders and waists, and then crawl through the tunnel. The tunnel function to watch enemy from outside, maybe creating an ambush, secret attack, whatever, it's so dark and so .....square for a reason. The walls were the only thing keeping our directions clear, and our minds... sane. As if opening and closing your eyes are just the same. You know how you sleep at night, you can still see your table, bookshelves, walls and all? This? NONE. Just black.

We also get to climb the emergency exists. The only time i noticed how heavy i'd become, to hardly support my own weight as i climb, OH THE STRAIN. Girl, you need to cut off some fats and start building some muscles in there (weak AF). 

We climbed this.

And came out to this.
Food for thought, we should have more of these ladders in modern days, humans are dangerously lacking in exercise, we need to cut off escalators and lifts, and start implementing ladders instead. Sounds good? Probably not, considering how more people will start falling to their deaths. Bad idea. 

I love this place, and I'm not even kidding, even though they are scary, thinking spirits are dancing around us at any moment. But it's like teleportation, it brings me back to the past (Can't help it, I just switched on my bedroom light), it allows me to revisit history like none other. It's a live museum all that i know. And it's knowledge, from how evil humans can transform to achieve their targets, to how civilised everyone seemed nowadays. It somewhat made me appreciate life, appreciate the fact that i was born 100 years after, instead of the years when they had war and killings and bombings going on like it is the normal-est thing to do. The museum was meant to BE THERE to stir up some things from deep within you, some...value. It made me think how women then could be of littlest of value, raped and killed with a snap of fingers, as an object that fulfils diasporic men's desire, to curb men's appetite, to unleash the demons built up from watching people die, and the stress to fight for their country, women...are the ones to suffer from those effects, local not local, they're all the same, as long as they're women.

Half hammock. I looked like I enjoyed it, but i'm falling any moment after the pictures were taken. I wore like how i wore when i attended prefects camp years back. 

Groupfie. Don't bother searching for invisible faces that might appear in the picture. DON'T BOTHER.
But if you do find it (intentionally or unintentionally), you can keep it to yourself, NOT AT ALL INTERESTED TO KNOW WHAT YOU'VE FOUND.
You have been warned. 

During our trips in Penang Island, we have been staying in Abel's house. Welcomed warmly by his lovely parents, and cute brother. They brought us out to eat good food after mass on Saturday, gave us some real Malaysian breakfast before we start our journey, sang Christmas songs with us (even though it's still long before Christmas), gave Alvin a braided hairstyle, washed and dried our clothes, AND SO MANY MORE TO THANK FOR. We were probably over staying our welcome (Sheepish giggles). We were truly blessed.

We headed off to Tech Dome located in KOMTAR. And what unveiled before our very eyes, ladies and gentlemen, SCIENCE.

What we did there you asked?
Well, we toyed with robots, passed lasers so we don't get lasered to death (kidding, but we did pass lasers, if lasers detect us, the system will sound), we toyed with Newton's Law, physics and those things you learned in Physics SPM, free fall from 2.5 storeys above, turned 360 degrees upside down multiple of times while solving maths questions or whatever concerning about the universe that moment, saw real human organs, AND SO MANY MORE I CAN'T EVEN FINISH.

Alvin tried to show everyone that he has supernatural powers that made the ball float midair, but really, it's just some air current blowing on the ball that did some physizzizle on the ball that makes it stays midair. Slim it, Alvin. 

Marion suited up ready for her 2.5 storeys high free fall. Trust me, you'll feel like death up there. Like they gave you a stick to hold onto, while they dragged your body weight, or what's left of you up 2.5 storeys high, you might think it's just normal so-so height when you watch from below, but once you're up there, you know how it feels like to jump off a building and NOT WANTING TO DIE. I swear my life flashes right before my eyes when i released that handle and screamed my lungs out. I kept emphasising "near death experience" as i reached the bottom. Good way to destress, i concluded. 

They had 3 walls against each other for mountain climbing, and one more inside, so you could spider climb your way to the top. No thanks, my muscle decided it's enough for the day. 

Great time flies by pretty quickly when you didn't notice. We had to rush off to the next agenda on the list, M Mall, to take some pictures. Like this one right here:

Poor smurf had trouble spotting the pretty lady across the street, with his glasses with me, obviously unfit and too big for my face. For once, i felt that my face was small. 

What is Penang without good food? It'll be called NOTFUN. So we went to eat some famous tourist hawker street food, consisting of Char Kuey Teow, Laksa, Satay, and more fried stuff you'll normally find in Penang, but twice or thrice expensive, because they're mostly targetted at foreign tourists. C'mon lah, why?

Some food to make you drool lots. Typing this at midnight is a bad idea. 

After good dinner, we headed off to another romantic spot - Straights Quay. We were arguing about how to read the word "Quay" in the car. "Key" or "Kuay". We agreed that it's "Key", because Singapore had a "Clarke Quay", and we all read it as "key". Anyways...

So we went there, walked around, enjoying the breeze, feel useless after being hectic for months for assignments and finals, for once, truly and really doing nothing just thinking about nothing. Then, we came up with this idea of doing something with our bodies (pictures illustrated below). Humans never truly rest for a second, do they? Like our systems were never created to rest for a long time. Before we knew it, we're already sweating. But we had fun. The girls were holding hands, being all girly and BFF all the way until we separate to our respective cars for the next stop.

We just couldn't get it right. We've seen it in pictures, how to hold each other perfectly together, but nope, we just couldn't do it. 

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG YAS.
STARBUCKS.
Do i even need to explain?
We went to Starbucks by Ferringhi beach.
I know it's overrated and all, but actually getting one? It's cool.
The girls decided that WE WILL NOT SHARE THIS TIME. Everyone get their own cup of Starbucks, with our own names written on the cups (eyes popping out love love love love emoji) Hello, temporary happiness, which will end the moment i sip the cup empty.

Then we just randomly crashed at some hotel's beach chair, listening to the waves coming from the sea, watching the sky full of stars, and sipping on our starbucks. I was wearing WHITE Uniqlo plain tee the whole day, worried not to stain it with any food that I will eat whilst wearing this shirt. I managed to keep it clean, not a single drop on my shirt until the end of the day. Funny thing happened, at the last stop, which is starbucks-stargazing-by-the-beach night, i finally stained my shirt as i sip on my drink while lying down on the beach chair. Well done Starbucks! You live up to your name. Expensive, and leaving prints everywhere, including my shirt. Although not entirely your fault.

The hotel was situated beside the beach, and the chairs are placed on the grass, which i'm really grateful for, it's all sand on my feet, not good. 

Last day in Penang.
Abel brought us around Balik Pulau, his hometown, also my father's hometown, but Abel brought us to places that I'd never imagined existed in Balik Pulau until then. We went to Sungai Burung:

The sun was scorching hot that day, and there were trees around us, as we got into the clearing, with the trees gone, the wind was blowing so strongly onto our faces from the right, and instantly, all the heat disappeared. We were more focused on the stones we're stepping on. This is like a private dating spot, because as you can see, THERE WAS NO ONE THERE.

See, the breeze was so comfortable and nice, even though the sun was burning into our skin, we didn't feel it. I don't know how to explain it in words, about how comfortable it really is, so pictures will do me justice:

She was basically daydreaming while enjoying the breeze. 

Abel also brought us to Pantai Pasir Panjang in Balik Pulau, again, ghost beach, no human detected, just us.
We listened to the waves crashing on the sand,
held our shoes in our hands,
walked all-so-gracefully on the sand,
and enjoying the sun kissed tan.
(OMG I JUST NOTICED THEY ALL RHYMED)

That is Abel behind us. 

Again, the girls decided to go all BFF with the super romantic backdrop.

And i decided to go with the theme 'horizon', sky, sea and sand all in one picture.

To conclude our journey:
This journey is an extraordinary one, we enjoyed ourselves as tourists, and at the same time we learned new things about our country, and about the universe. Vacation isn't just about fun, it's about input and intake as well, and we got that. We're also super blessed to be able to try so many different foods in Penang, all would be impossible if Alvin and Abel's family did not invite us in their warm and welcoming crib. It would forever be imprinted in our memories, the good ones, and the bad ones, and now that the journey had ended, it will be just yet, another dream.

Pa ah...

My father it seems, did not contribute much spatial in my social media circles. Dad's a man of quiet and expensive words.

You know that feeling when you look at something so long that it gradually shifted into something else that it seemed strange even for your mind to decipher?

I mean does it happen to everyone? Like the longer you look at someone, the harder your mind is trying to capture even the tinniest detail and the slightest pore on a face that could alter how you originally perceive things. Like your mind is trying to register new features from the face that was already so familiar yet when you look again, you see new things.

Everyday until now, i learn new things from my father. He'd done countless things it's impossible to keep track of. He's a man full of surprises. My father don't boast. Because love do not boast. And it is the one thing i still struggle with up until today.

But the best thing he'd given to us is education. I can never thank God enough for the opportunities and experiences exposed to me since young. Like every other Asian parents, my father is particularly strict when it comes to our test results. During my upper secondary school days, everyone knew i never really come to terms with my additional mathematics results. My existence is of a total contrast to the invention of add maths. Funny how the connectors just doesn't reach the left hemisphere of my brain where mathematics equations lies, however surprisingly, it coexisted with language and computerisation skills. I guess at the left side of my functioning brain, one skill is dominating the other. And maths was the one that chose to be oppressed. Physics happened to be on the same page.

Dad tried tutoring me on simple and complex mathematics, (though the task of teaching me add maths was later taken by my engineers-to-be brothers, who were really good with add maths, can we just stop and not blame it on gender bias for a sec). But i never really quite grasp the secret to improving my add maths. Dad was on the sidelines, cheering me on, but i kept letting him down, again, and again, continuously for two years. SPM result was a total letdown and i tried fighting back tears when everybody else did really well, nobody have to feel sad for my own underachievement, or at least i didn't want them to. But the saddest part of them all was disappointing my parents, disappointing my father. They were the reason why the tears were boiling at the tip of my eye in the first place. They mattered.

Sad stories aside. Over the years, i had inevitably titled my father as the 'Solution to Everything'. Because from health, to electronics, to education, to carpentry, there's none that he couldn't solve. He's the manual book, always wrapped neatly accompanied by a product, directing you on how stuff works, simplified a thousand times without all the tiny words which made reading a nuisance. This had proven a real challenge for me when i enrolled in UTAR. Dad was my manual, and i'd suddenly grown miles apart from that manual. I was partially lost, drifting in a whirl of independence and autonomy. I thought gaining liberty to pursue self-reliant was fun. It was not. I was lost wandering in the wrong page. Or maybe i relied on my father too much it was hard to let go of his care and constant protection. I dreaded everyday of my first semester in UTAR in hope that i could go home, the place where everything is, where my father is.

Pa ah... I ruined a fridge. My printer isn't working. My knife is blunt. The stove wouldn't work. The outlet is faulty. The room is fungus-infected. Most of the time, i turned to my mother. And who do you think my mother turns to? My father. He is always working backstage, and my mother is the medium to our communications. "Papa says to..." "Papa says you should.." "You lah, papa says you always didn't....next time you should..."

Proximity made us view things a little differently, it exposes us to nonchalance. I used to be an emotional child. I would imagine my parents growing old, wearing their grey hair and clothing themselves in clothes that no longer reveal their youth, i would hold it in and tried to fight the suffocation. To stop myself from the built up energy which made me dysfunctional, i would hide in my blanket and let the tears filled my cheeks. I asked my brother, do these images ever bothered them? They ensure me it's alright. Up to date, i wonder why the image is still so vividly projected in my mind, however, i couldn't feel how i felt anymore. The materialistic way of living had blinded us from the simplest sympathy we feel for those who are dear to us, the distractions are putting away our focus on what matters. Years ago, i asked dad, "Pa, how old are you?" Dad told me, "50." To me, that's half a life gone.

Today, he's 57. I cringed when i look at the number. I hate having our days counted and seeing his health deteriorating day by day. Three more years and he would reach his 60s. More white hair would emerge from his scalp, thick with hair, envious by many, including his own daughter. My father still display traits of a child. He would smile at his own achievement as he fixed something. He would chase the dog (which i brought home without his consent) around the front porch wearing his formal attire and black sling workbag. He still smiles when he purchased the new family car which could accommodate more bags, and more humans. He still does the little things that made his children happy. He gave us the things he couldn't have when he was our age. He gave us happiness, and most importantly, a family.

I know it's not Father or Mother's Day. But let's take a moment to appreciate all the little things our parents did for us. The hike in your petrol needle indicator, the living fees that you so senselessly spend, the food you're eating, the clothes you're wearing, the book you're studying, the ground you're stepping on. These are the luxurious lifestyle that we so boastfully live in while our parents worked hard to provide. During their times, it was very difficult. Time changes, lifestyle changes, our thinking changes, or we can choose to be sensible children, the one our parents cling on dearly to their hearts during our arrival to the world.

Or you can read it on Facebook, 'The Book of Window' page. Link HERE.

kthxbai.